My Own New Moon
by jashaw
Summary: This starts right after Edward leaves in New Moon but this time Bella fights for love. She goes after him but will she find him? Will love win out? R&R!
1. Chapter 1

_I'm still trying to finish My Own Twilight but I was having some major writer's block and this story had been coming to me all along. Anyways having __been through some bad breakups __even __with __my__ now husband __I __had a hard time getting through New Moon __because I was so sad and so mad at Bella for giving up so easily __on true love and letting him just leave!__My sister __has the same problem and __still has been unable to __ever __reread Edward's leaving so I decided to write a new version of New Moon (__sorry if you think that Bella is completely OOC but I will do my best to make it believable)__ It's not that I don't love Stephenie's version (which is completely necessary for her story). I just wanted to see where I could take this twist in the story. I haven't read anything similar maybe there is something out there but I haven't read it yet so I'm giving it a __go.__ So I hope you like it. This starts off __right after Edward leaves in c__h__ 3 The End __and it will be different pretty much from the__re__ so fasten your seat belts._

Chapter 1: Re-examining

For the past few days and nights it was always the same dream. It was Edward again. I would never be able to get the image of his beautiful face and those piercing eyes out of my head. I was sure I would have this dream until the day that I died. He was leaving and I was running after him. I couldn't find him but I kept running . The forest was dark and cold but I couldn't give up. I was crying, sweating and gasping for air but I knew I was running for my life. The feelings were the same, I needed him he couldn't leave me like this, he has to still love me, he can't leave me like this….

Suddenly for the first time in my dream Alice appeared and she was speaking to me but I couldn't understand her. Her mouth was moving but I couldn't hear any sound coming out of it. I was becoming increasingly agitated because she was getting in the way of me chasing Edward.

Finally she grabbed my face and shouted, "Don't believe it Bella, fight!"

I tried to explain it to her, "I can't Alice it hurts too much."

"Bella, you have to wake up and you have to remember the truth, you know he loves you! You know it, fight!"

"No, Alice he doesn't love me and he never did!"

"Please, you know that it isn't true, look at everything again look at it _**all **_again!"

I started screaming, "I can't! I can't!" Until I felt someone shaking me.

"Please Bella, wake up it's just a dream, it's just a dream!"

I sat up it was Charlie. I felt like a fool as usual.

"Dad, it's okay I'm awake I'm sorry. Go back to bed I'm okay."

"Alright try to get some sleep. If you need the pills Dr. Gerandy gave you they are right there on the table."

"Okay thanks Dad but really I'm alright go back to bed."

At this point I just wanted to be alone. For the first time the dream had changed. I hadn't just given up tonight and fallen onto the forest floor screaming and sobbing. What had Alice said in the dream? That it wasn't true that I knew he loved me? That was really weird. Was it just my mind's sick way of torturing me even more? Fight? What did that mean? Fight for what? The pain was seeping through and about to become unbearable again. I couldn't deal with this. I grabbed the pills on the table and eventually after counting everything I could think of and staring at the ceiling, I finally dozed off.

The dream didn't stop and Alice began to be a permanent fixture in my nightly nightmare. I never put much stock in dreams or nightmares but Alice seemed so real and so serious in my dream. I wondered if Alice was seeing me right now seeing what a mess I had become. How could she abandon me too? She was my best friend or at least I thought she was.

Then I remembered something, something that I had forgotten. She hadn't been here. She had gone off with Jasper maybe she would have come if she had been here, maybe she still will, maybe she can see me, maybe she will come and fix things. No, I couldn't let myself do this. What had she said? "Fight it" and "look at everything again.", what in the world did that mean? Alice's presence in my dream was bothering me. There was something there and it was causing me to have to deal with things. What day was this? How much school had I missed? Things I didn't feel ready to deal with.

I did not know what to think and for the first time in a week I got up and took a shower. The water hit my face, it was cold at first and I just kept standing there underneath the shower and thinking of him. I was thinking of how cold he was and what it had felt like to lie next to his cold body. Oh I was torturing myself every time I thought about him. It ripped my heart out to think about him and how I had believed he had loved me. Why had I believed?

I thought about how he had saved me so many times, how he had kissed me, how he had held me, how he had told me he loved me. I was trying to look at everything. What had happened to change his feelings for me? Why had he suddenly become so withdrawn the last few days before he left? Then it dawned on me…my birthday had happened …. Jasper had happened. Then I heard Edward's voice from that day in the hospital.

_His voice was beautiful like a lullaby. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happy … as long as it's what's best for you."_

The hot water had run out already and I just stood there shocked as the cold water pressed down on me taking my breath away as I processed what had just played out in my mind. Had Edward possibly left for my own good? Had he left still loving me? Had he tried to force me into a life without him to save me? I cursed. That was so Edward! How dare he do this to me! It all made since. That was what Alice or my own subconscious had been trying to pound through my thick skull all week in my dreams.

Edward loved me it was a beautiful but terrible thing to believe. I had to figure this out I needed to go for a drive. Fortunately Charlie was at work so I left a note and climbed into my truck. The sun was shining and after my self imposed seclusion it stung my eyes. I started to drive and I knew exactly where I needed to go. I glared at the stereo in my truck refusing to even touch it. What was I going to do once I got there? I was thinking so hard about everything that had happened I almost missed the turnoff. I had to try to figure things out but I needed to see the house.

I drove up to the quaint white house and it reminded me of myself alone, empty. I walked up to the door it was locked but I found a rock and smashed the window, unlocked it and climbed in. Most of their personal things were gone but there were a few pieces of furniture that had been left behind in their haste. I went upstairs to his room I had to see it. I went up the steps timidly I didn't want to fall, there wasn't anyone to catch me anymore. I opened the door his scent was still here and it overpowered me as I stepped into the room. My memories of it never did it justice, it truly was intoxicating. Everything was gone except the black couch. It was still there up against the wall like nothing had changed. I couldn't handle the pain that had been building and I laid on the couch and cried.

How could he have done this to me? To us? I stayed that way for a long time just breathing him in but I must have fallen asleep because I looked outside and noticed it was getting late. I stood up to go knowing that Charlie was going to be freaked out if I didn't get home soon but that is when I noticed something white sticking out from underneath the couch cushions. I grabbed it . It was a letter addressed to me but I was overwhelmed with disappointment when I noticed that it wasn't Edward's handwriting. I opened it anyway.

_Dear Bella, _

_I f you have found this letter than that means I couldn't stop Edward and you are going to have to find a way to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. He sometimes decides to leave when he has convinced himself that he has put you in too much danger. However, up to this point I have been able to talk him out of it. You have to show him that you need him and that you can't live without him. We have to prove it to him. You will have to find us. He will forbid us to have contact with you because I have seen it happen a bunch of times (like when you first came home from the hospital but Carlisle and I were able to change his mind then) . Start with Denali somebody will be there that will point you in the right direction. Please if you love him save him from himself and please Bella, try to be safe._

_Love, Alice_

I had to go I had to find him. There is no way that I was going to survive without him especially now that I knew that he still loved me. I started formulating my plan. I headed back downstairs and back to my truck. I drove back to my house and for the first time in over a week I took a real breath and calm flooded through me. Fortunately Charlie was still not home I packed everything I needed which wasn't much but I did find my passport which I would need to cross the border to get to Canada and then Alaska. As I went to leave my bedroom the toe of my shoe caught the edge of a loose floorboard and it popped open. I bent down to put the floorboard back into place when I realized that I was looking into the eyes of my angel. It was the pictures I had taken of him and the ones Charlie had taken of us. My CD was there and the plane tickets from Carlisle and Esme. They were now going to be put to good use I would get to Alaska much quicker now. He had placed all of my things in the floor! Had he wanted me to find them? Was it another way that he was trying to tell me that he still loved me?

I left a note for Charlie. I would break my parents' hearts but I would do anything for Edward. I had to find him, that was all that mattered now and I refused to think about anything else.

_Dad, _

_Don't worry I 'm driving to Mom's. I need to see her. I'll call you when I get there. _

_Love, Bella_

Of course I would never get there.


	2. Chapter 2

_Well here is a little more and hopefully I will post again tomorrow too. Please review I need to know if everybody is liking it or hating it._

Chapter 2: Journey

As I drove to the airport in Seattle his face never left my mind. I wrapped my mind around the idea that he loved me that he was somewhere feeling just as miserable as me. Why did he have to be someone who only deals in extremes? Why did he only see things in black or white, right or wrong? I played back the words he said to me the day before he left me...

_I was thinking about right and wrong actually._

If I did find him and my whole existence depended on it, things were going to have to change. If we were going to be together he was going to have to except me as a full partner in this relationship. He was never going to just make decisions like this and not talk to me about them like an adult. He may be over 100 years old but he didn't understand anything about me if he thought that this would ever be okay with me. I knew he wanted me to live a normal human life but it was never going to happen. My normal human life would have been over three other times if Edward hadn't been there to save me. I needed him and he needed me and nothing was going to keep us apart not even himself. This time I was going to be there to save him.

I drove straight through the night and was able to get a flight out this morning. Once on the flight I slept peacefully for the first time in over a week. As the plane landed I felt hope surge through me maybe Edward would even be there when I got there. He had gone to Denali before when he was upset. I hoped Tanya's family would help me. My experiences with other vampires besides the Cullen's hadn't gone very well before but hopefully since Tanya's family lived a similar life style I would be safe with them. Then I thought of something… Laurent. He might still be there in Denali, what would he do? He wasn't accustomed to their people free diet. What would he do if he saw me without my beloved protector. They certainly wouldn't let me stay while he was still there. Alice obviously hadn't thought that through. What was I going to do?

I stepped off the plane and went to claim my small duffel bag. I was flooded with disappointment. I would have to rent a car and then I would have to figure out whether to chance driving out in the middle of nowhere looking for a mysterious coven of vampires who probably didn't want to be found and one who might want to make a meal out of me or sit around the airport and come up with another plan. As I was contemplating my options I heard one of the most beautiful sounds that I could possibly imagine. Her bell like voice was severe yet friendly and I felt buoyed up by the sound.

"Bella! You have kept me waiting a long time!"

I rushed into her arms, and screamed "Alice! I'm so glad you came for me!" I'm sure that I sounded like a desperate mess but I couldn't help it I had just lived through one of the worst weeks of my life and someone had finally thrown me a rope.

"It's okay we will figure this out! It was really brave of you to come. I was so hoping you would figure everything out and then I kept seeing you wandering all over Denali, then lost in the woods and then I saw you at the airport looking dejected, I had to come."

"Thanks Alice you really are the best you don't know how bad it was this past week. "

"Actually I do!" as she pointed to her head.

I laughed nervously though it hadn't been at all funny. "I didn't know what I was going to do but it finally started coming together and then I found the note in the couch, thank you." Tears were filling my eyes but I couldn't stop them I was awash with relief at finally having someone who could help me.

Alice started talking rapidly in her high pitched voice. "Well Edward would be furious if he knew any of this but he left us so he hasn't been around to figure out what I have been doing. Actually the whole family would be pretty upset because we all promised not to interfere in your life anymore. Which is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of! You are my best friend and Edward is my brother and I'll interfere as much as I want to if it's going to help! Jasper wasn't very happy either because he still has a lot of guilt over the whole Birthday party incident."

"Alice, please tell him I forgive him I really do understand."

"I know I've told him a thousand times but it's been even worse now because he could feel how miserable Edward was before he left."

"Where is Edward now? I need to talk to him. I have to talk to him."

The longer I was separated from him the more my sanity seemed to be slipping.

"I wish I knew but he does call every once in awhile. Don't worry we will find him."

"Alice I need to talk to Carlisle I have to convince him to change me it's the only way that I can figure out that Edward will let me stay in his life. I mean of course he will be a raving mad man at first but it's the only way. This is all because he is a stupid, stubborn idiot. If I didn't love him so much I would kill him for this!"

"I know and believe me I have been telling him this since I saw the first visions of you as a vampire. And then once Jasper and I figured out that he had such strong feelings for you we knew it had to happen.He loves you, he wants you but he is so determined to keep you human that he is blind to any other possibility or opinion and he certainly won't listen to me about it! Our whole family is miserable, everyone is all split up because of this it's terrible. I know Carlisle though and I can't imagine that he will change you without Edward being on board with it."

"What am I going to do then?"

"Well first we are going to go shopping you look horrible!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After making me shop for hours Alice finally fed me, got me into a hotel and left to hunt while I slept. She had already forgotten how hard it was to be so close to me all day without feeling like she wanted to take a bite out of me. I was so glad though that she had come for me. I knew Alice would make everything all right. I closed my eyes and finally slept in peace. I dreamed of Edward holding me and woke up to the sound of quiet giggles. I looked up, "Alice what is so funny?"

"I knew you talked in your sleep but it really is hilarious. I totally see now why Edward was so into it, you say his name like every five seconds!"

"Yeah it's hilarious!" I said dripping with sarcasm.

"Seriously Alice what am I going to do? I can't take this I need to talk to him, to see him something! I'm going crazy! Literally."

"Well I talked to Carlisle and Esme last night and he was pretty mad at first about my "meddling in things" but Esme was able to make him see the light I think. Besides me, Esme has always been sure that you and Edward belonged together. They will all be here by the end of the day and then we will have a family meeting minus Edward of course since he won't even pick up his stupid phone!"

"Even Rosalie and Emmett."

"Yes even them. Rosalie will still probably be a big jerk ,though she did seem really impressed that you had made it this far without getting yourself killed. Me too actually I was so glad you found those tickets I was sure you were going to kill yourself driving for two days straight!"

"Well Alice when the love of your life decides to tell you he doesn't love you anymore, leaves you in a comatose like state and then you find out that he did it all for your own good we will see how swell you are!"

"Oh Bella, don't worry so much you have me on your side remember! Everything is going to be fine you will see."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Well here it is finally! Sorry it took so long I have had some sick kids this past week and I've been reading everybody elses great stories. I still don't own anything I just like to play around with Stephenie's fabulous creations.**_

Chapter 3: Family

"Bella, they will be here in just a few minutes. Are you going to be okay? You aren't going to pass out are you?"

I looked back at her annoyed. Of course I was not okay! What did she expect from me? His family was here to decide my fate. My whole future was hanging in the balance.

"No Alice, I am not going to pass out but I am really worried. I have no clue what everybody is going to want to do …or not do..."

"Don't worry so much. I can be very persuasive when I want to be and Jasper will help,or be punished later."

Suddenly the hotel room door burst open to reveal a very excited Emmett. He grabbed me into one of his big bear hugs.

Bella, this is so great! I can't believe you came after us this is so awesome! Edward is going to be so pissed that you messed up his 'perfect' crap plan! He is such a jack …"

Esme flew in glaring at him, "Emmett, language!" and he immediately look dejected, "Sorry, Esme."

"Really, thanks Emmett, I'm glad to see you too." and the smile was again plastered back on to his face.

Rosalie didn't even look at me as she gracefully slipped into a chair and sat down pretending as usual that I did not exist.

Esme embraced me in one of her motherly hugs. "Oh Bella, we have been so worried. I am so sorry we left the way we did but you know Edward. He really believes that he is doing what's best for you."

I tried to reassure her with a comforting smile but the only thing I could feel was desperation, "Esme, how could he do this to me? He's just lucky that I figured it all out. I don't know what would have happened if I had kept believing his lies it has been …"

"Bella, I know. Edward has never been in love before and he just doesn't understand how much you two need each other. I don't think that he is prepared for how painful this forced separation will become. I can't imagine he will be able to last very long."

Carlisle had walked in silently while I had been talking with Esme. I knew I had to convince him most of all. This was going to be difficult. He had known him the longest and by changing Edward I knew he felt a huge responsibility for his life and for his future.

"Hello, Carlisle."

"It's good to see you again Bella." I couldn't be for sure but it sounded sincere to me.

Well I just decided to jump right in and tell them how I felt about them, how I felt about Edward and how I felt about this whole horrible situation.

"I know some of you aren't happy about this. I know you probably feel like you are betraying Edward's wishes by even speaking to me but what he has done is killing me. I know he wants me to have a 'human life' but I don't want it and especially not without him. If it weren't for him I would be dead more times than I'd like to recount but I can not survive this. What he has done is wrong, it's wrong for both of us. I need him and he needs me. Why can't he understand that?"

The confidence I had at the beginning of my speech had faltered and my voice cracked and I took a deep breath but the tears began to flow unintentionally.

Emmett, God bless him was the first to respond. "Edward's an idiot, Bella. I will help you with whatever you need."

Rosalie shot him the glare of death but he persisted, "Rose I got to. Edward deserves to be happy and I can't let him ruin it for something as stupid as the state of her soul! I mean where does he get this stuff anyway?"

I couldn't help but smile. I looked around the rest of the room with apprehension. What would everyone else decide?

Esme smiled, "Bella I already consider you a part of our family I just hope that Edward will start to realize how happy he could be if he would just come back home and work things out."

Alice was the next to speak, "I'm going to help Bella because I can only see them both becoming more and more miserable and I can't bear to continue to watch it play out in my head anymore."

Jasper looked as brooding and tormented as usual but he spoke up next figuring he would get it over with. I'm sure too that he realized that he was doomed if he decided to voice anything but Alice's opinion. I felt his influence and the tension dissipated slightly as he began to speak.

"I agree with Alice but _**we**_ have to make her a vampire. I know you all think I'm only saying this for my own peace of mind but it really is the only way he will agree to stay with her. He won't take her life himself though because he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt."

Carlisle finally spoke up, "Jasper, that may be true but whoever decides to do it … well Edward, will never forgive them."

I couldn't stay quiet when they were talking about me like it was his decision and not mine.

"Carlisle, this is not Edward's decision. I know he thinks he is 'Mr. All Knowing' but he doesn't make my decisions for me, this is what **I **want."

Emmett's boisterous laugh shattered the room at my comment and I think I even heard a stifled laugh coming from across the room where Rosalie seemed to be regaining her composure.

Carlisle smiled but I could tell he was still attempting to be diplomatic.

"Bella, I understand how you feel but you've seen Edward angry and this will make him furious."

"Let me worry about Edward. Tell me everything about being a vampire and I will make an informed decision, _**my **_decision and he won't be able to blame anyone but _**me**_."

Carlisle looked back at me tentatively, "What do you want to know?"

I proceeded to ask questions about the transformation, about the blood lust and about my future with the family.

"I love all of you like family already but I'm not going to force myself on you if you don't want me. However, no matter what you decide I am still going to keep on looking for Edward. I have to be with him to survive and as long as I know he still loves me and he is still out there somewhere I'm going to keep trying to find him. I have to. I'm going to go downstairs and when you have made your decision I will be in the lobby."

I walked out the door before anyone had a chance to speak again. The tears were flowing now uninhibited. I couldn't control it. I had just left my fate in their hands. All the tension of the last hour of talk and debate made me feel exhausted emotionally and physically. As soon as I could get a little control over my emotions, I headed to the lobby and found a comfy chair. The last thing I remember was laying my head down on the arm rest.

I felt someone shaking me softly and calling my name. I opened my eyes and it was Alice and she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Bella, wake up I have good news. Carlisle has agreed to change you but we have to try to get in touch with Edward and tell him first."

Groggily, I tried to comprehend everything she was saying, "Oh Alice really? Will we be able to get a hold of Edward?"

"You actually did most of the convincing, everyone was really impressed with your determination and all I did was remind them again that I have always seen you becoming one of us. Carlisle is hoping that if he calls him this time, Edward will figure that it's important and actually answer the phone. I haven't seen it yet so I'm not sure … but I can imagine that he won't take it well. I'm just hoping that it won't be bad enough to change Carlisle's mind."

"I need to get up there I can't let Edward talk Carlisle out of changing me."

Alice and I headed back up stairs and walked back into the room where Carlisle had just pulled his phone out of his pocket and was dialing Edward's number. My breath caught in my throat and I felt suddenly terrified, this was the moment of truth, what would Edward say?

Jasper eyed me suspiciously, "Bella he loves you. Tell me you didn't come all this way and are still unsure of his feelings for you?"

I laughed nervously, "Sorry to disappoint you Jasper but I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me to feel secure about his feelings for me.", but especially after this latest stunt.

Then I heard it, that lovely velvet voice that my dreams had never done justice. I felt like my heart had stopped as Carlisle started to talk quickly. I was having a hard time keeping up and then I heard the familiar growl, that made me feel both safe and scared at the same time. He was angry of that I was sure but I would have to wait till the conversation was over to be able to piece together exactly what was happening.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity of Edward's ferocious growling I heard the line go dead and Carlisle's face turn toward me with a pained expression.

_**I tried to make this scene similar to the vote scene in New Moon except of course we only get Edward's opinion by phone, tell me what you think. I've had Evanescence's song Taking Over Me on continuous replay while writing this, it just seems to really fit this story. I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Please review! I have lots of hits but not a lot of reviews!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Here is Ed's POV hope you like it!**_

Chapter 4: Misery

After I left her I ran but I could still hear her screams and her sobbing my name. She would finally see me for the monster that I am. As I left the woods, my life, my future, my love, I headed back to the house. Before I could make it there I threw myself into a tree and then another and another but the pain was nothing compared to the wretched pain I felt inside. I laid on the forest floor and let the misery consume me as dry sobs wracked my body. How could I do this to her, my angel? This felt so wrong but I knew it was right. It was the only way. I couldn't keep her with me, I would only hurt her. I was a monster and my family as much as I loved them, they were monsters too. She certainly didn't belong with monsters. Everything about her was pure and beautiful and good. I just prayed she would get past this quickly and allow herself to find happiness and have all the things that I knew that she deserved. She deserved it all she was perfect. The real question was how was I going to survive this?

I finally went home but there wasn't anything for me there either. I was miserable and I knew from reading everyone's thoughts they were too and they blamed one person …me. They definitely made me feel even worse because everyone except Rosalie felt that if I really loved her we would be back soon and things would all work out. Little did they realize if I really loved her I would never come back. They just didn't get it. I helped everyone finish packing and then we met up with Alice and Jasper. Before I even read his thoughts I could tell I was killing Jasper with my pain. I couldn't stay. I would eventually make everyone miserable. I really couldn't stand being with them either. I couldn't look at these happy couples, see their love and not think about her.

Everything made me think of her, made me think of what I had just thrown away. Her beautiful skin her beautiful smile … oh her lips. I didn't know how I was going to do this. I kept trying to remind myself I was doing this because I loved her and because I was trying to keep her safe. It wasn't enough though, I kept seeing her face. She had believed my lies and she had just looked back up at me crushed . I don't know how she could have believed me so quickly and so completely but I knew it was true I saw it in her eyes. Oh those beautiful deep brown pools filled with pain that last picture of her was going to be burned into my head for all eternity.

I had to do something that would keep her out of my mind so I had already talked to Carlisle about Victoria. I hadn't been able to pick much out of her mind before because I had been so focused on James but she was his mate and was bound to hold a grudge. I would track her down for what she had done to my family , to my Bella. Oh but she was no longer my Bella as much as the thought pained me. I would have to change my line of thinking she wasn't mine anymore and she never would be. I did this so she could find someone human. She would be someone else's and the thought sickened me. Someone who could love her the way I would never be able to and someone who could give her a family but even the idea of it made my skin crawl. To think of someone else touching her...

Suddenly Alice interrupted my thoughts.

_Edward I leave for a few days and you make a complete mess out of everything! How could you lie to her like that? What do you think this will do to her?_

She bombarded my mind with pictures of Bella on her bed sobbing uncontrollably then another picture of her just staring out the window in her room looking blank with dark circles under her eyes.

"Stop it Alice! You don't think I know what I have done to her! I had to! I had to get her out of our lives, I had to protect her!"

_You are a fool ! She will kill herself before she falls in love with someone else! She is more like us then you give her credit for. She loves you like I love Jasper, this isn't some silly infatuation for her she won't just get over it!_

Her words were sobering but I wouldn't let myself believe them. "Bella promised she wouldn't hurt herself it's just going to take some time. Don't be looking for her future either, we've done enough damage."

Alice rolled her eyes at me and I heard her mumble "idiot" as she walked away.

After my conversation with Alice I packed up my things and without saying goodbye to anyone. I ran off south to where Alice had last caught a glimpse of Victoria, to see if I could pick up her trail. I wandered and stayed mostly in the woods having little desire to pretend to belong to civilization anymore. As I tracked my mind still wandered to Bella. I thought about her scent so sweet and intoxicating. I thought about every moment I had shared with her, my memories were all I would ever have now. I replayed them over and over in my mind and I lost track of the days as I tried to follow Victoria's scent.

Periodically I got phone calls from the family but I never answered them. I would occasionally listen to my voice mails when I was receiving a good enough cell signal but I just wanted to make sure they were safe. I wasn't ready to talk to them yet. I had made it to Texas and was having a harder time finding things to hunt and an even harder time tracking. I decided to stay in a hotel and get cleaned up a little before I decided what to do next.

I stepped into the shower and washed the dirt from my travels off and the warm water couldn't help but make me think of her. It felt so amazing to have her near me and for the first time since I had been changed I had felt almost human again. She had made me feel alive. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked back into the room in time to hear my cell phone ringing . I looked at the front of the phone it was Carlisle which worried me he wouldn't call unless it was important I decided to go ahead and answer it.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes Edward it's me and I have a dilemma, Bella is here with us."

I was furious! Did they completely disregard everything I had asked them to do? What the hell were they thinking? I was already irate and a growl was rising in my chest.

"What is going on?"

"She was trying to follow us, she doesn't believe that you don't love her. Alice came to get her once she saw her wandering aimlessly in Denali looking for us. She had plans to try to find Tanya's but Alice couldn't let her go there because Laurent is still staying with them."

About a thousand emotions swept through me as I heard this joy, sadness, anger, worry and excitement.

Carlisle continued, "She has met with the whole family and I have agreed to change her it's what she wants and I've answered every question I could and she has shown no hesitation, she is sure and in the end I agree with her it isn't your choice, it's hers."

I couldn't believe the turn this conversation had taken. I roared back at him, "You can't do this to her she is only a child! She doesn't understand what she is asking you to do!"

"Edward, she isn't and you know that! She loves you, she wants to be with you and I know you need her too. This is the only way. If you want to be here for it you should hurry because we are doing it tomorrow at the house here. Otherwise we will take care of her till you come to your senses."

"Carlisle, no please don't do this!"

"You haven't left me a choice. Your solution is not working and I will not let you condemn both of you to a miserable existence when you could be together."

I growled again and slammed the phone against the wall breaking it into a million pieces and leaving a dent in the wall. I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door hoping that I would get there in time. I got to the Dallas airport and got the first flight I could find to Alaska.

Now my torture would really begin as I sat waiting and feeling completely helpless. I couldn't even call because like an idiot I had smashed my phone into bits. I had to think of some good arguments to change her mind. I can't believe she went to Denali all by herself. I can't believe her. I should have known, she is so stubborn . No matter how horrible this situation was I had to smile Bella never did what I expected her to do, why was I still not getting that through my head? But I could not let her do this to herself, she deserved so much more than this cold empty life.

As I sat wishing for sleep and dreams that I knew would never come I finally let myself think what if. What if she was changed and I could love her. I would be able to love her like I've wanted to since the day I fell in love with her, the day I had kissed her. I would be able to really kiss her. I was shaken from my thoughts as the planes wheels were skidding to a halt on the runway. No, I was going to do what was best for her. I was going to save her.

_**Well if you care for this chapter I was listening to Muse of course and Daughtry. They seemed to fit Edward especially … It's Not Over. **_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Sorry that this took so long but I have been sick and so have my kids. It's been a long week! Don't worry I love this story and I never leave stories incomplete, I hate that! Well unless of course I died or something… Still don't own anything and it makes me very sad to have to say it all the time._**

Chapter 5: Choosing Life

I was trying to get off the plane but of course I was painfully stuck waiting for these stupid slow humans to get off first. It was taking every bit of self control that I had mastered in the last almost one hundred years to not fling them all aside and start running. I was trying not to think about Bella but of course that's exactly what my mind was making me do. I couldn't control it any more than I could control the constant parade of meaningless thoughts from all these insignificant people around me. One thing that had been nice about my forced solitude was the quiet I had enjoyed while tracking but it too reminded me of the frustrating quiet I always experienced when trying to hear Bella's thoughts.

Oh they were finally moving and I took off at a human pace jog while inside the airport until I reached the rental car area and I then asked for the fastest car they had. I thought I could still drive there faster than I could run. I threw my duffel bag in the back seat and sped off hoping that they really had waited for me. There was still a part of me that hoped that I could just take her away from here and deposit her back into her life, where I knew that eventually she would find happiness.

Why couldn't she just believe me? This could never work. We could never be, she would regret this and that's something I would never be able to bear. I didn't know how I was going to be able to take seeing her again. I knew how hard it was to leave her last time how was I going to do this again knowing full well how this was going to feel. How was I going to convince her that we couldn't do this anymore? She hadn't believed my lies for very long last time. It was slightly comforting that she had come to the conclusion that I had lied to her. It had broken my heart so much to see her believe me so quickly before. I had thought that I would have had to argue with her and convince her but she had believed, I had seen it. I wonder what had changed her mind so drastically that she had come all the way up here to find me?

I hated to admit it but I couldn't wait to see her. I couldn't wait to smell her neck to kiss her lips .. No I wouldn't do that it would just make it worse I would have to be cold. I couldn't let her know how bad it really was for me without her. I was so weak just the thought of being near her was driving me crazy.

I pulled up to the house and I couldn't control myself I was feeling so nervous. She did make me feel so human and so young again. When she was near I was a seventeen year old boy again instead of a one hundred year old vampire. I stepped out of the car trying to control myself but her scent floored me as soon as I had opened the car door. The monster reared it's head inside of me as I breathed her in. I knew it would be worse once I got inside so I tried to adjust as much as I could out here. There is no way to describe the intense pain and pleasure the smell of her invokes in me.

I knew I had to hurry I was sure they had heard me drive up. I quickly approached the door but before I could reach it, it was flung open. There in the door way was my beautiful Bella and her eyes were already brimming with tears as she ran to me. She jumped into my arms and put her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. The monster inside leaped to life with the closeness of her blood drawing me in but as soon as I heard her voice it was thrown back down.

"Oh Edward, why did you do this?" Her lovely sweet voice was raspy from crying and filled with pain.

I held her tightly oh I had missed her so badly. Her smell and her warmth. It felt so wonderful to be near her to feel her next to me. Even though I had been trying to come up with a plan for hours now, I really didn't know what to say. My head was no longer in control and my heart seemed to just take over.

"Bella, beautiful Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you I just wanted you to be happy and safe."

"Don't ever hurt me to help me ever again." She sounded scary and like she really meant it. I softly placed her feet back on the ground and kissed the top of her head but not daring to do more than that because I knew she wasn't going to like what I had to say next.

" You can't let Carlisle do this. I can't let you, please listen to me."

"Edward, you can't make this decision for me it's mine to make."

I knew that but I also knew that she didn't grasp what she has been asking for. She had no idea what this is really like. What it's like to constantly want to take a drink from a human and the control it actually takes to not do it. Sometimes I can barely stop before taking the one thing I love most in the world out of it.

"I know you think that you want this but you don't, it is only half a life. You could still have it all, a real life. You could have a husband and children and die of old age. This life is only full of regret, sorrow and sadness over what we have become, what we have missed out on and what some of us have done. I can't let you do this and only because you want to be with me it would be the worst kind of selfishness and evil to do that to you. You are my angel Bella I will not destroy you."

"I don't agree. You and your family have loved me and I love you. I don't want anything else. I want this, I need this, I won't live without you it would hurt too much. I found out this week that it is more than I can possibly bear."

"I can't do it, you mean too much to me. Just stay with me for as long as you can and I will take care of you but I won't change you."

"No, this is the only way. If you don't want to change me Carlisle will. I will not stay with you while I get old and die, that is of course if I even make it that long! With my track record I am already living on borrowed time."

I frowned but she continued. "I love you. I want to be with you forever. I don't want to be without you and this is the only guarantee that I have that you won't pull another stunt like this one when you think I'm not safe or when you want me to move on with my human life. What do I have to do to convince you that this is the right thing to do and that this is the life that I want?"

I looked into her eyes and saw the fierce determination in them. I was never going to change her mind about this and I knew I wasn't going to change my ideas about this either. This was wrong and I didn't know how to make her see that.

"I can't do it."

"I understand. I have to go Carlisle is ready for me. I made him wait until you showed up just in case you finally decided to change me yourself."

I could feel the hurt and the sadness on her face and in her voice. As she walked back in to the house. I couldn't stand it. How could I do this to her? It pains me to see her so unhappy but there was no way I could handle doing this to her. Now I wanted to try to convince Carlisle, since I had failed so miserably with Bella. I followed her inside and found my whole family looking rather annoyed and their thoughts weren't telling me much different. I had tried to block them while I was talking to Bella but now that I had let my guard down for a second their thoughts assaulted me.

Carlisle had already guessed my next strategy and was already telling me that it wouldn't work because he had already made his decision and the family had already decided too.

Esme was trying to be calm and kind but I could tell she was upset with me and I saw her memories of when they had first seen Bella again. She had embraced Esme then cried. Emmett and Jasper were just telling me how stupid I was. Rosalie wouldn't even look at me and kept thinking about herself. Alice was as usual showing me more of her visions of Bella as a vampire and kept telling me with her thoughts that it was inevitable so why wouldn't I just change her.

I gave up and finally just asked Bella. "Why is it so important to you that I do this instead of Carlisle?

She sat up in bed and looked into the living room at me as I walked into the bedroom. "Because I want you to _**choose**_ an eternity with me." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I didn't want to do this but I just couldn't let Carlisle do it either it just seemed wrong. I looked back at her seriously as I got down on one knee.

"I will do it but only on one condition, agree to marry me first."

Her eyes were huge she sat there completely shocked and didn't say a word.

**_In Her Eyes by Josh Groban was what I was listening to for this chapter. I know he's kind of cheesy but I love his voice and I just pretend that Edwards singing it instead. I know this is short so I will try to update sooner this time._**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here you go I hope you like it. Thanks to JillCullen for her help!**

Chapter 6 : Changes

My family had suddenly disappeared and the door of the bedroom was shut. She looked up at me nervously. I couldn't believe her.

"So you are perfectly willing to stand three days of complete torture and eventually death to be with me but you are unsure that you want to marry me? Don't you think that is a little twisted?"

She still looked nervous but it looked as if her anxiety was lessening as what I had said was sinking in.

"Edward, the idea of marriage is just scary to me, I can't help it. I didn't have the best role models for this, your family was the first time I have ever seen marriages that really work."

"Do you really think that I don't feel the same way about you that Carlisle feels about Esme?"

I could see the skepticism on her face.

"Bella, I know it's hard to see how much I love you after this past week but you know I do. If it wasn't true you wouldn't be here. I only did it to protect you I know it was stupid but I had to try I didn't know what else to do…."

"This is exactly what I am worried about! How could you make a decision like that and just assume you knew what was best for me when I had told you a million times that it wasn't the life I wanted?"

"I do love you but I wanted to keep you safe and happy. I know it was wrong but Bella I'm not perfect and I've been trying to tell you that. There is probably only one thing that I do really well and that is love you. Marry me and let me do that for the rest of eternity, I will make this up to you I promise. I don't want to try to live without you again, I missed you too much."

"I love you too but I need to feel like we are making decisions together and that you actually value my opinion. You may technically be an old man and I may still technically be a teenager but I need to know we are on equal footing here or you are always going to be keeping things from me and handling things without me. I don't want that not if you really want to **_stay_** married."

"You know I don't want that either. Bella, you make me feel more like a seventeen year old everyday and don't assume that I have learned anything in the past. This is all new to me and that is why I keep screwing everything up. I know I am stubborn, over bearing and that I have a bad temper but you make me better and I need you. Please trust me that I will always love you and I will never leave you again."

I noticed the tears starting to escape and roll down her beautiful pink cheeks. I was going to miss that pink but it was worth it if she really wanted this and she really wanted me.

"I trust you Edward but now you have to trust me. Don't you get it? I love you _**more **_than this life, it would only be a life if you were in it. I want forever I don't ever want to leave you. You have to change me you have to prove to me that this is what you really want too and when I come back to you I _**will**_ marry you."  
I couldn't stand looking at those beautiful lips anymore I crushed her lips to mine and I grabbed her and put her in my lap. I held her as tightly as I could without crushing her little body. I couldn't believe the feelings that she could invoke in me. I wanted her so badly in every way. I was kissing her more passionately than I had ever dared before and when her tongue touched my lips I couldn't resist her and all my old boundaries came tumbling down. Her tongue in my mouth was indescribable and then I could feel her lift the back of my shirt and her tiny warm hand was suddenly running up and down my back . I felt like I was on fire I knew I had to stop now or I wouldn't be able to.

My voice came out hoarse and raspy, "Bella I have to stop I can't hurt you, just wait a few more days and then I will give you whatever you want I promise."

I saw an evil smile cross her face, she was a very dangerous woman and I was about to make her even more dangerous.

"Do you need to talk to the family at all before?"

"Yeah."

They didn't wait for an invitation they all came barging in and I knew from their thoughts that they had been listening to everything we had said. Emmett was still laughing at the fact that Bella had called me an old man.

Bella spoke first, "Thanks everybody for your help."

Everyone was offering Bella assurances, hugging her and congratulating her on the impending wedding which she still seemed really nervous about. Carlisle was asking me whether he needed to stay with me or not but as worried as I was I wanted to do this alone. So I decided to ask Alice.

I whispered as quietly as I could."Alice do I need anyone to stay with me?"

_No, you will do fine, _and gave me what I was sure was supposed to be a reassuring smile.

_I'm taking Jasper away he won't be able to handle this and plus I need to get everything ready for the wedding and try to stay out of my head so you don't ruin it!_

I nodded my head at her and turned my attention back to Carlisle and shook my head no.

I looked back at Bella, "Are you ready? Are you sure?"

"Yes and yes." she said with a nervous smile.

The rest of the family quietly left the room and I snuggled up close to her on the bed pressing her warmth against me one last time. I put my head on her chest breathing in her scent and listening to the sound of her heart. It was the most magical sound in my world. I loved her so much and even though this still seemed wrong I was inherently selfish and now I couldn't wait. The thought of having her with me forever was more than I had ever let myself dream possible. I loved this woman so completely but I honestly was going to miss the human part of her.

Her voice interrupted the silence. "Edward, are you worried about how you will feel about me when I am different?"

"No it could never change the way I feel about you but I will miss it."

She was running her fingers through my hair and kissing the top of my head. I was starting to get nervous again, how was I going to put her through so much pain?

She broke through the quiet again, "I know it's going to be bad but let's just get it over with, please."

I tried to say something but nothing would come out. My breath caught and I looked at her lovely face and started to kiss her again. I needed her and I needed to do this. I could feel her breath on my neck as she kissed a trail back up to my lips. The smell of her fear and excitement was driving me mad and her blood... I could almost taste it. I made my way to her neck and then I heard her voice, "Do it, just do it!"

I kissed her once more and then sank my teeth into her neck . The monster inside me roared to life as I drank the blood that had been calling to me for over a year. It was so sweet and intoxicating I didn't know if I could stop. I was going to kill her if I kept going and I couldn't lose her now. I forced myself to stop and I dropped her back down to the bed. I looked into her beautiful eyes, "I'm so sorry."

She smiled up at me as I bit into her wrists and ankles allowing my venom to flow quickly through her but her smile quickly turned tortured as she let out a deafening scream. When she caught her breath she looked up at me to speak, but she couldn't get out the words.

Then with great effort she gasped, "Edward I love you, and I can handle this I will be ok."

I held her close kissing her and pleading with her to forgive me. I heard her raspy and frightened answer, "There is nothing to forgive."

The pain took over and the screaming continued. How in the world was I going to sit and watch her for three days writhe in agony? My beautiful angel was dying and it was all my fault. I grabbed her close and whispered I love you over and over into her ear. I begged God to forgive me for what I had done to her, and I begged him to let my angel keep her soul. I started to hum her lullaby and held her close as she thrashed around in pain. As I hummed she quieted. She seemed to dance in and out of consciousness. The only words she said were uttered to comfort **_me._** She was going through hell but couldn't stop thinking about me. I didn't deserve her but I couldn't be without her.

**My song for this chapter was Warning Sign by Coldplay**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here it is! Please review and let me know what you think about how it's going. I know I am a giant loser for taking so long but it has been really crazy with the holidays, kids birthdays and I am VERY unexpectedly pregnant which has been pretty traumatic. Anyways hope you like it, back to E & B! **

Chapter 7: Looking in the Eyes of Love (A really good Alison Krauss song too by the way.)

I remained in a state of constant and writhing pain. I had no idea how long it had been I just knew that it seemed endless. The only thing that kept me from wishing for death was that beautiful face I could see in my mind and the alluring voice I could hear constantly trying to calm me. Edward.

Somehow the idea of needing to do this to be with him never left me. The change seemed endless and like no pain I had ever experienced. I felt that after James' attack that I knew somewhat what to expect but I could have never comprehended the intensity of what that would feel like for days throughout my entire body. Finally though the fiery pain began to recede and was slowly being replaced with a numbness.

I soon began to be more and more aware of what was going on around me. I immediately recognized that Edward was holding me close and his delicious scent seemed to overwhelm me. It felt like a drug it was intoxicating. I tried to open my eyes I just wanted to see him, to see his beautiful eyes. I sat up and opened my eyes in a very disconcertingly fast movement and Edward even seemed to be caught off guard by it. That made me smile and as I looked at him I noticed that he seemed nervous.

That just made me laugh and I whispered in my most seductive voice, "It's okay Edward I won't bite."

It really didn't sound like me it was such a beautiful twinkling sound and it really did sound just as seductive as I had been going for.

He stared back at me like he wasn't sure who I was but he offered me one of his delightfully sinful crooked smiles that always melted my heart anyway.

"Are you okay? Do you need to hunt?" he replied, always the gentleman.

I whispered back, "Not yet, I'm okay so far."

I guess I assumed this new hunger would feel different but I just felt like I needed water. I was thirsty but it wasn't unbearable at least not yet and I definitely needed to do something else first and _this was _starting to feel unbearable. I needed to kiss Edward.

His mere presence seemed to be pulling me closer.

I tried teasing with him again. "Did you miss me?"

He laughed nervously, "Of course."

I looked up at him just staring into his beautiful eyes and seeing all the love and concern for me there and I couldn't take it any more. "Are you going to kiss me?"

It seemed that was the only invitation he needed because his lips crashed against mine. He was kissing me like I had never been kissed before and electricity coursed through my whole body. It felt so strange for his lips not to feel cold or hard but just perfect. He slowly laid me back down on the bed and I heard him moan my name as I licked my way down his neck. I had dreamed of this moment so many times when all of his boundaries would be broken down and this moment was so perfect it didn't seem real. I felt his hands on my hips pushing my body closer to his and his lips began making their way down my neck where he bit me again. That about sent me over the edge and I knew if I had still been human I would have passed out by now. His body felt so warm against mine it was definitely a new sensation but a welcomed one.

In one of my new blindingly fast movements I ripped his shirt off and finally saw a shirtless Edward and as usual he did not disappoint. He was so unbelievably gorgeous. I was kissing my way down his chest and I was breathing pretty heavily for someone who doesn't need to breathe anymore but as I continued to kiss him I felt him stiffen and raise my face back up to his. He looked as flustered as a vampire can look and kissed my lips once more.

Then I heard him quietly whisper like he was in pain, "You are so beautiful."

"Oh Edward, please don't stop now."

"Bella, I know we haven't needed to talk about this before but I need to tell you that I want to wait."

"What? What do you mean wait? We have been waiting!"

He laughed and rolled his eyes and said, "Silly Bella, I mean till we get married. I know I seem old fashioned but if you wouldn't mind horribly I would like to wait.

I was trying not to appear completely shocked. I really should have known I knew I was dating a very moral vampire! Oh this was painful I was so close to getting what I have wanted for so long but I tried to think positively, at least we had a lot less boundaries than before. I tried to play it cool.

" When is the wedding?"

He saw right through me and chuckled, "Whenever you want it to be."

"As soon as possible."

He laughed again, " I know what you mean. If I thought you were irresistible before it was nothing compared to now."

He got up from the bed and I looked up at him in just his jeans and smile and thought we better be getting married very soon because I wasn't going to last long.

"What are you thinking you have a very evil look on your face right now?"

"Ha! Wouldn't you like to know? Actually I was just wondering if I could possibly change your mind?" He was so irresistible right now.

"I'm sure you could but I hope that you won't because I don't think I can take much more either. Plus I don't think you want our first time to be overheard by my whole family."

If I could still blush I was sure I would have been red beyond belief. Sure enough when I stopped focusing on Edward I could hear the small talk of his family downstairs.

"Emmett has already enjoyed what he has been able to hear so far way too much ."

"Great! I can't wait to go downstairs."

"Oh don't worry you don't have to because they are all on their way up here now that Alice has given them the go ahead."

"Fantastic! You might want to find your shirt if there is anything left of it."

He held the shreds up, "Yeah I think I will have to suffer shirtless."

At that moment Emmett busted through the door. He gave Edward a wink, "Hey guys what you been up to? Nice look Eddie! Bella you are _smoking hot !_ Have you seen yourself yet?"

"Uh thanks Emmett no I haven't."

Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme came in soon after telling me how grateful they were that it was all over and how beautiful I looked.

Alice was already ready to talk wedding, "So when is my deadline? … tomorrow really?"

We laughed then I said, "Well if possible Alice we would like to do it as soon as possible."

Emmett couldn't hold in a chuckle. I was really becoming very grateful for my new non blushing status. I was really happy and excited to finally feel a part of my new family but I was staring to feel thirstier and thirstier.

Finally Jasper noticed and told Alice to ask no more wedding questions, "She needs to hunt."

Edward glanced up at me and I nodded.

"Alright let's go."

**Alright I know it's short but I will get a new one up sooner this time!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The Hunt

We headed downstairs and Edward grabbed a shirt, my hand and then we were running. It was such a great feeling to run like that with him. It was so freeing and I felt complete, like I was exactly where I belonged.

For the first time, I allowed myself to think about my parents. I still wasn't sure what to do about them. Soon I would have to call and explain that I am fine and with the Cullens.

They would be devastated that I ran off and married Edward, especially my Mom. Maybe one day, when I could be around humans again, I would go and see them and try to make this up to them but for now, the phone was as close as I was going to get.

Not wanting Edward to worry and think I had any regrets, I broke the silence, "Is Alice really going to be able to pull this off by tomorrow?"

"Of course. You know Alice, she loves a challenge."

For the first time, I really thought about the wedding and what it was really going to be like to be Edward's wife. It would be perfect. I would miss my family but the Cullens had always felt more like a real family to me. I was worried about Charlie and Renee but I had to do this, I deserved to be happy.

He finally came to a stop and ran his fingers through his windblown hair, looking so gorgeous I couldn't help but have a goofy grin plastered across my face.

He smiled back but his eyes grew serious, "Unfortunately, hunting for us comes very easily; as soon as you smell blood, you will feel like a vampire. There are some deer close by, they should make a good first meal."

He was right. As soon as I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the forest, I could hear a few deer not far from us. Then a small breeze blew by and I caught the scent of the deer and I took off running. The desire was so strong, the only thing I had to compare it to was my need to be with Edward. I had no idea that hunting would feel like this. I caught the first deer quickly and sank my teeth into it's neck, snapping it and feeling the warm blood soothing and calming as it ran down my throat.

When I looked up at Edward, he was watching me with a strange expression on his face and his eyes were black … he looked hungry.

"If you need to go hunt for yourself. It's okay. I will be alright."

He looked back at me like he was drinking me in and he was suddenly right next to me.

His voice was a husky whisper, "Deer isn't exactly what I'm hungry for."

I looked back at him with what I'm sure was a shocked expression as his comment registered in my brain. I guess I wasn't the only one who seemed to find hunting strangely erotic.

He licked the blood that had dribbled down my chin, and then his lips pressed against mine as he licked them clean too. Instead of being horrified, I just felt an even stronger pull towards him than before. I really was worried whether we were going to make it till tomorrow feeling the way that we did about each other.

I really needed him so much and I pressed myself even closer, doing my best to melt right into him as I kissed him. I needed his touch. I needed him. I licked his bottom lip. He tasted so good and he smelled even better. I ran my hands under his shirt hoping to get it off of him like earlier, but I knew I had finally pushed him a little too far; because when he moaned my name again he sounded like he was being tortured.

" We have to stop or I won't be able to … you really are the most dangerous creature …. now even more so."

He did look as if he was in pain. I wished he would just let me make him feel better. Stupid, moral vampire!

He looked confused. "What did you just say? What did you do?"

I stared back at him baffled. "What do you mean I didn't say or do anything?"

"You just said I was a stupid moral vampire!" He was feigning hurt, but he looked pretty happy with what he had heard.

"You really heard me? Can you hear me now?"

He looked disappointed, "No, but I also felt a feeling of calm and contentment like Jasper was around. Somehow your mind was opened to me for a second when you were trying to make me feel better. Maybe …when you want to use your power your mind opens a little and I can finally hear you."

"So do you think my power is the same as Jasper's?"

"I have no idea. We will have to practice and figure it out."

"I still feel a little thirsty. I probably need to hunt a little more. "  
"I think I will hang back this time. I don't think I can watch you again… there was just something about seeing you like that. I've heard through my family's thoughts that it was a problem when hunting with your mate but I had no idea the pull to you could possibly be any stronger. When Emmett and Rosalie go hunting together, no one goes with them."

I laughed. "We might have the same problem."

He smiled back," Hurry up. I'll wait for you here."

I ran after some more deer that I could smell nearby and as I finished drinking the second one, I felt for sure, that I was being watched. I ran back towards Edward, afraid it might be a human -- and also afraid that it wasn't. As I ran, I caught a glimpse of something red, blowing in the wind and that is when I smelled … vampire.

I stopped running and turned towards the vampire I knew was there. "What do you want?"

She stepped out from behind the trees and I recognized her face from the nightmares that had replayed themselves over and over since last Spring. It was Victoria.

"Why you of course, Bella." her voice was silky but lethal.

I tried to hide my fear as I stared back at her terrifying red eyes. I needed Edward. What was I thinking trying to face a vampire alone? She was surely here to kill me human or not. Suddenly she ran at me with a wild and ferocious look in her eyes. I froze in terror as I heard a loud smack like thunder. I soon recognized the thunder as Edward crashing into her. She took off as soon as she recovered from the blow. Edward rushed to my side, threw me over his shoulder and began running as fast as he could back to the house.

**Sorry I know it's short again but this was just a good place to end it. Thanks to Heartbroken1 who helped me with my aversion to commas and for assuring me the bloody kiss wasn't creepy! I hoped you liked it and don't forget to review! I always like reviews it makes me update quicker.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I hope you guys like it. Sorry it takes so long to get an update from me now but pregnancy has taken it's toll! I hope to update a lot sooner this time because I have no husband this week but we'll see. Thanks again to Heartbroken1 and JillCUllen for their help.**

Chapter 9 : Reassurances

When we got back to the house, to say Edward was upset … would have been an understatement. I knew he blamed himself for putting me in danger again. He kissed me hard and then put me down softly on the couch. He glanced back at me one more time before he flung the door open and took off running. I yelled his name but I knew he was already gone and wouldn't listen to reason anyway.

I quickly explained what had happened to the family and asked Jasper and Emmett to please go after him. Alice was upset with herself for not seeing it, I think Rosalie was still feigning disinterest in anything concerning me and Carlisle and Esme, were, of course, worried about Edward. I could only stare blankly at the wall wondering if all my pain over the last few days was for nothing. Everything would be for nothing if I were to lose him.

In my rational mind I knew that he was probably fine. He is after all practically indestructible, but my mind just wouldn't let me stop thinking about the possibilities. What life is like without him was too fresh on my mind and I knew I wouldn't ever survive a permanent separation.

Alice looked as though she were wracked with guilt and there was no Jasper to help relieve it so I tried to comfort her. "Alice, it's not fair for us to assume that you can see everything. I don't blame you at all, so don't blame yourself."

She gave me a weak smile back. "Thanks, but I still can't believe that I could possibly miss something this important."

The wheels were turning in my head. I knew there was no way Alice had missed this either. Somehow Victoria had figured out a way around her visions. Then it dawned on me and his name spilled out of my mouth, "It's Laurent!"

The whole family stared at me with curiosity. "I think Laurent is helping Victoria again. Tanya's family must have explained enough to him that he knows how Alice's visions work."

Carlisle just nodded, "That's probably it. I'll try to talk to Tanya and the others and hear their take on the situation."

He quickly left the room to call. I looked down at the floor and wondered how this was all going to work out. Esme came behind me and began to rub circles on my back, attempting to calm me. "Bella dear, it's okay the boys will be right back. We'll take care of everything, it's fine, you'll see."

The front door suddenly opened and Emmett and Jasper sauntered into the room. Emmett must have noticed the panicked look on my face because before I could form a coherent sentence, he was reassuring me, "Edward's fine. He's just angry. We told him to come back in when he's calm."

Jasper too, was trying to assure me that everything was fine with both his words and his gift. I was barely listening to them as they explained that her trail ended at the road. They figured that she must have had a car waiting, knowing that they would track her scent.

I couldn't take it anymore, I ran outside to find Edward angry or not, I needed to see him. I needed to talk to him and be close to him. I needed him to know this wasn't his fault.

I didn't have to read his mind to know he would blame himself, and I was not about to let Victoria ruin this for me. Tomorrow was going to be my wedding day -- crazy stalking vampire or not. I listened and took a deep breath, trying to see if I could smell him. My breath caught as I realized he was very close and I attempted to quietly approach him.

I saw him on the ground, leaning on a tree, with his face buried in his hands. My dead heart ached. I couldn't stand to see him suffer like this. For the first time, I tried intentionally to use my gift. I willed him to feel no guilt over this. I loved this man and I didn't want to lose him. I was beginning to realize that I would not lose him over stupid vengeful vampires either. I was beginning to worry that his view of himself was what would always hold us back. He refused to allow himself to be happy or even that someone like him deserved to even be happy. His face turned up to look at me. He must have heard and felt me.

He put his arms out for me and I ran to him, crashing into his embrace. My lips found his, and I tried to persuade him with my body and my gift that I loved him. There would be no one else for me and he had to see this by now. His job now was to make me happy because there was no one else on this planet that would ever be able to do it.

I stopped kissing him and looked into his eyes. "I need you. Please don't go down this path anymore. I deserve you, all of you and you deserve me and we are getting married tomorrow."

He finally smiled weakly back. "I will never deserve you Isabella, but I will spend eternity trying to."

What does one say to that? The only thing I could come up with was, "Thank you." I pressed his lips against mine again and again as I breathed in his scent. My body once again molded into his and I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. It still seemed strange to have his boundaries suddenly gone and it made it so much harder to pull away.

"Let's go back to our family and help Alice finish everything for tomorrow."

I held out my hand to help him up but instead he pulled me back down to him wrapping his arms tightly around my waist.

"Bella, I don't want to let go of you. I'm not sure what to do anymore. You make me feel so ….human. Between not wanting to let you out of my arms so that I can protect you from any danger, and my seventeen year old raging hormones that you have now brought out in me, I can't even think straight."

I laughed. "Come on, I'll have to be strong for the both of us right now. I can't sit here alone with you any longer though without ripping your shirt off again."

He chuckled and gave me a beautiful, mischievous smile. "I'd enjoy that immensely."

"I know that's why we are going inside my beautiful soon to be husband."

As we looked towards the house, I noticed my best friend and future sister standing in the doorway with her arms folded and a worried expression on her face.

I turned to Edward, "What's wrong, what did she see?"

He laughed, "Nothing, she's just worried about getting everything done and having everything be perfect. She hates to admit it but she needs some help."

I was glad that was it. I didn't think I could take much more today. However, when we walked inside and were greeted by everyone, Carlisle asked us to take our seats and I quickly realized that I wasn't done for the day.

We needed to talk about everything that had happened and what the Denali coven had told him, but I wasn't looking forward to it. I was tired of just being the cause of more problems for this family….my family. I hoped this time I would actually be able to do something to take care of myself. I wasn't going to react to Victoria like a scared little girl again. I wasn't that Bella anymore... I wasn't even human anymore. It was going to be awhile before I would be able to wrap my mind around the reality of this new existence.

As I was taking everything from today in, we walked inside to take our places. We sat on the couch next to the rest of the family and I cringed at the idea of any harm coming to anyone in my family. Carlisle looked back at us, "I talked to Tanya. It seems that Laurent and Irina are now involved, which makes our situation a little more precarious. Tanya will talk to them and see if she can find out anything but if he really is in deep with Victoria, Irina is not going to let us hurt Laurent."

As Carlisle finished Edward was squeezing me tighter and he had practically pulled me into his lap. "Edward, it's fine everything will be fine."

He looked back at me skeptically but remained silent as he placed a tender kiss on my forehead. I then turned to Alice and noticed her blank stare. She was having a vision.

**Read and Review please, it helps me.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it took forever I wasn't real happy with the last few chapters so I tried to take my time with this and not rush it. I will finish this story it just may take longer than my others because it's harder for me to stay up late these days and that is the only time I get to write. Oh by the way lots asked about it so I thought I'd tell you here rather than get a bunch of PM's about it. We found out we are having a boy and his name is going to be Sullivan. Thanks for all the name suggestions!**

**We are back to Ed's POV. I had been trying to switch back and forth every 3 chapters but from now on it will be every other chapter instead. That way now that they are together I won't have to keep backtracking over the same stuff. So this is the last time I do that but I wrote a much longer chapter because of it and I tried not to repeat a lot of already heard dialogue.**

**Thanks to JillCullen for taking the time to make sure my grammar mistakes weren't too annoying.**

Chapter 10: Enchantress

I knew it was coming to an end, her screams were starting to die down after the past three days from hell. As I held her close, I realized I missed her warmth already. Her skin had also hardened and become paler. Her features were more defined and I couldn't help but think my pretty Bella, now looked like a beautiful woman. She had filled out, appeared older and was now devastatingly gorgeous. I had tried to do everything I could to soothe her pain. I had held her tight to my chest and continually hummed her lullaby and talked to her of my plans for our future. I loved her so much that I felt like every scream had been my own. My chest still ached for the pain I had caused her. These last few days had been hard but I reminded myself they were nothing compared to leaving her a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately though, It now seemed like a lifetime ago.

My family had continued to assure me that this is what she wanted and that we deserved to be together and to be happy. I prayed that Bella would always see it that way and would never regret her decision to be with me. I still couldn't believe that this was real, that I would really have her with me forever. I still had a hard time dealing with the guilt of doing this to her, but the selfish monster inside of me roared back that she was mine and now I would never part myself from her again.

Her scent if possible, had become even more intoxicating but it had nothing to do with her blood. Now I just wanted her. I wanted to make her mine in every way. As I fantasized about our life together waiting for her to come back to me I was startled by her sudden movement. She had sat up and opened her eyes so quickly it threw me. I looked at her not knowing what to think. All I knew is that I wanted to kiss her, to draw her closer and never let her go. Suddenly though I was panicked. It dawned on me that she might not have those same feelings for me anymore. She could have forgotten me. So I just stared at her and prayed that inside she was still **my **Bella.

She smiled at me and said, "It's okay Edward, I won't bite."

Her voice was the most alluring and sultry sound I had ever heard. Her eyes though red were still her beautiful eyes. They were deep pools that as usual seemed to swallow me whole. I tried hard not to think about the fact that I wanted her, needed her but it didn't seem very gentlemanly to be thinking like that right now. Instead I tried to focus on what she might be feeling or needing. I asked her if she was okay and if she needed to hunt. She said no but we needed to do something quickly to get out of here. Her presence was driving me insane. I felt an invisible pull to touch her, to be with her. The pull towards her had become more and more unbearable, like nothing I had ever felt before. She asked me if I missed her. I wanted to explain just how much and what I was feeling but I was afraid to say too much, so the only thing that came out was, "Of course."

She stared back at me and then said something that made me lose what little control I had. "Are you going to kiss me?"

That's all it took I completely lost it. I pressed my lips to hers and I ran my hands up and down her body wildly. I had never let myself think about Bella in an unwholesome manner before. I had known that certain things were never going to be possible for us and I tried not to torture myself with fantasies. Now though, my mind and body could only dwell on the possibilities that were now open to me. I never thought being with her like this would feel this overpowering. The feelings and the electricity that was between us was amazing, it was indescribable.

All of a sudden she began licking and kissing her way down my neck and I felt that same thirst I once had for her blood again. Instead of my throat burning though this time my whole body felt as if it were on fire. I knew I had always been able to control the other thirst but this new one seemed just as powerful and giving in wouldn't kill her, she seemed to want it just as much as me. I leaned her back towards the bed and I moaned her name before I even realized it. I was completely at her mercy.

I drew her hips in closer and began nibbling on her neck where I had bitten her three days ago. Before I even noticed, she had ripped my shirt off and was kissing her way down my chest. It felt so good but I knew if I had a chance to stop this I had to do it now because I couldn't take anymore. As good as it felt, once I looked down at her beautiful face I knew I had to stop her before she did something she might regret. I wanted our first time to be perfect and as old fashioned as it might be I wanted it to be our wedding night. I wanted her to know that I had chosen her forever in every tangible way before we made this next step.

Also once I came back to my senses, I realized my family's voices were commenting on everything that was happening. My brothers were especially discomforting. They were offering pointers that were making me very uncomfortable and a little ill.

I brought her face up to mine and whispered to her how beautiful she was. I almost gave up when she pleaded with me not to stop. To have to force her and myself to stop had caused my whole body to shudder in pain. I tried to explain that I wanted to wait until after the wedding and I could tell that she thought I was absolutely insane. She also was debating, I'm sure, to how strongly opposed to the idea I really was. I didn't think I had much will power left, so I reminded her that I'm sure she did not want to do this with my family downstairs listening in. That seemed to bring her around.

She seemed excited to get the marriage ceremony part over and I'm sure it was for a variety of reasons. I knew she didn't like being the center of attention and that her parents' failure still weighed on her heavily. She was about to head downstairs when I told her not to worry they were all headed up.

I sat quietly watching her interact with my family and make wedding plans with Alice. I had been trying to not think about the fact that I was shirtless but I was having to tune my family's thoughts out to do it. Emmett's thoughts of course were the worst but then I happened upon Jasper's.

_Bella is getting really thirsty and it is starting to make __me __thirsty._

Immediately he voiced his thoughts out loud, "Bella needs to hunt."

I should have been paying closer attention. I would have to start watching her more carefully. I guess Jasper had already had enough of my guilty feelings because as I was grabbing Bella's hand and a new shirt downstairs, he directed his thoughts specifically at me.

_Edward you may be a mind reader but not when it comes to Bella so quit with the guilt already your killing me!_

I knew he was right but when it came to Bella, I feared I would never be able to not feel guilt. I knew I would need to let it go now that there was no going back but I still believed that she deserves more than this. I am going to try to be happy that she chose to be with me. As I ran in the woods holding Bella's hand, I tried to think positively but it was difficult when I knew she was about to find out what it really meant to be a monster.

I tried to just watch her as we ran hoping that it would lift me out of my negative thinking. She looked beautiful with her hair blowing. She truly was amazing and I had no idea what I had done to deserve the love she had for me. Her face looked like she was deep in thought and I was already worrying, when a smile suddenly appeared on her face.

As I wondered what she was thinking about, she asked whether Alice was going to really be able to pull off a wedding tomorrow. I assured her that Alice was up for the challenge and I couldn't help to feel a little better after seeing that smile. We slowly came to a stop and I knew this was going to be difficult for me and for Bella. I tried to reassure her. I told her unfortunately that hunting came very easily and once she opened her senses she would know what to do. I pointed her toward the direction of the deer and she was off.

I followed her as she quickly ran through the forest. She was fast and I was having trouble keeping up. As she came upon the deer I gasped. She looked gloriously terrifying and ravishingly beautiful at the same time. She pounced on the deer and broke it's neck with her teeth but instead of the revulsion I was afraid I might feel I just wanted her even more. She was deadly now but so beautiful. She must have sensed me staring at her as she turned her head to face me. She asked if I was hungry! She had no idea. I ran to her hoping I would still be able to keep some sort of control.

I got closer and told her I wasn't really thinking about deer and I couldn't resist the blood that was now running down her chin. I licked a trail to her lips. These two things were the only two things I would ever need in this cruel existence, Bella and blood. Everything else in my life was nice to have but Bella and blood would always be the only real needs I would ever have. I had no idea seeing her hunt would feel like this. It was indescribable. I felt like an animal but I also felt like a man. I had always squelched these feelings but now I felt as if I couldn't hold back anymore. I needed her so badly to take away this powerful longing.

She was kissing me again and pulling me closer. Her hand started making it's way up my back and I knew I had to stop. I was an idiot our wedding was tomorrow! I could wait, I would wait. I pulled away for the second time today trying weakly to explain to her. Then I heard something I never thought I would ever here. Her voice inside of my head. She said she wanted to take away my pain and all of the sudden the longing turned to contentment. And then I heard her call me a stupid moral vampire.

Though any other time I might have been offended by her remark, the idea that I finally got to hear her thoughts was completely exhilarating and I couldn't think of anything else. However, after explaining and trying again I was annoyed to find out it wasn't going to be a constant thing. I explained to her that maybe when she had opened her mind to use her power I finally got to catch a glimpse. I had no idea whether her power was like Jasper's or not we would figure it out with Carlisle when we got back. Right now I knew she must still be thirsty and I definitely didn't need to watch again.

I explained to her how this need for each other while hunting was a normal problem with the other couples in our family especially Emmett and Rosalie. It had made being the odd man out even more difficult at times, especially since I couldn't stop reading minds. I convinced her to go on ahead and she took off running. I tried to stay back to give her space but still keep her scent near enough to me that I wouldn't go crazy.

She had been gone only a few minutes when I detected thoughts I had never hoped to hear again …Victoria. I had left Bella unprotected, I was an idiot. My dead heart ached as I ran as fast as I could. I ran until I crashed into A red blur barely making it in time before her teeth had made it to Bella's neck. As soon as Victoria realized I was what had ruined her perfect moment she took off. As much as I was dying to go after her and end this for good I had to get Bella back to the house. I would never leave her vulnerable again.

I got to the house quickly but I was so angry and upset that I couldn't talk or think straight. I laid her on the couch, kissed her and left before she could say anything to keep me there. I barely heard her scream my name as I was already running fast trying to catch up with Victoria's scent. I knew my family would keep her safe but I had to end this.

Victoria had come too close to taking everything away from me. I was so close to having everything I could ever want. Would it always be my fate to be miserably alone? Would there always be someone in the way of my happiness? I had finally removed myself from ending my chance at happiness only to have someone else take my place. I had in my grasp the happiest possibility for my never ending life but it was not going to be if Victoria had anything to do with it. I wouldn't live without her, I couldn't. I had proved it over the last couple of weeks. I am such an idiot, I probably led Victoria straight here.

I roared when I came to the end of her trail. I was at a road and I knew that she must have had a car waiting. I would have to find her! I couldn't live with her presence always hanging over us. I can't continue to wonder if or when I finally let my guard down she will take Bella away from me forever.

I heard Jasper and Emmett approach by their thoughts. I saw Bella's panicked face in their minds as she sent them after me. I'm sure Jasper knew where to find me he could probably feel this pain for miles.

As he ran up he was already yelling, "Edward she could have had somebody with her. You are such an idiot! I realize you never use your head when it comes to Bella but you are of no use to her dead!"

I mumbled the fact that I was already dead but that just seemed to annoy them more.

Emmett started in then. "If something happens to you she is going to be just as big of a mess as you without her! We are a family for a reason we are there for each other. Never run off without us ever again, Bella is our family now too. If some one is after one of us they are after all of us. Quit freaking out we are going to handle this."

I decided to try to explain it to them, "Jasper can you please show Emmett what this feels like! I have waited almost a hundred years to feel this way about someone and to have it constantly torn from me whether by my own fault or not is excruciating. I feel helpless I won't live without her, you saw how well that worked out. I mean what would you both do if Alice and Rosalie were constantly in danger of being taken from you forever!"

Jasper just glared at me, "I can feel it so you might as well say it."

Even as I whispered it I knew they would still hear it, "I can't help but think she will be taken from me as punishment for everything I have done."

Jasper didn't miss a beat, "Then I wouldn't have Alice either so you are being ludicrous and melodramatic. Get back to the house and to Bella. We will not let anything happen to either one of you as long as you don't pull anymore stupid stunts like this one."

Emmett nodded his head and added, "She's my little sister now and if you don't get it together and start treating her better I swear I am going to have to kick you're a. Get up now! She's freaked out and she needs you."

I slowly stood up and headed back towards the house still feeling like I failed her for not ending Victoria while I had the chance. I sat down by a tree in front of the house while my brothers went inside. I wasn't ready to face her yet. My feelings were still too raw. All I could think about was how I almost lost her.

I buried my face in my hands and then I felt her again and heard her thoughts as she shared her gift and her love with me.She had known exactly what was wrong. She really knew me too well.She had washed the pain and the guilt away and now all I wanted was her near me. I held my arms out to her as she crashed into them. As she kissed me all my old insecurities seemed to fall away. I loved her and decided that I refused to waste any moment that I still had with her by my side. I didn't know what the future would hold and I wanted to stop worrying and enjoy today.

She looked into my eyes and told me that she deserved me, I deserved her and that we were going to be married tomorrow. I had to smile. I promised I would try to deserve her everyday. We kissed again and again as she molded her body to mine where she fit perfectly. I knew I was starting to lose control again but thankfully Bella pulled away this time suggesting we go help Alice get ready for tomorrow.

I knew I shouldn't but I was afraid I wouldn't get her alone again so I yanked her back down to my lap. I tried to explain to her that without her next to me I didn't feel safe anymore. Not to mention my raging hormones that she seemed to have resurrected from the dead wouldn't allow me to stop touching her. She joked that if we sat here any longer she would rip my shirt off again, so I reluctantly rose to my feet. It felt so wonderful to be so free with her now. I can't believe how viciously I fought against my own happiness and Bella's.

I registered Alice's thoughts in my head as we approached the house.

_Quit stealing my best friend! We do have a wedding to plan by TOMORROW! I could use some input from the two of you._

Bella turned to me nervously asking what Alice had seen. I laughed andtold her it was only that Alice was annoyed because she wanted us to hurry up. I then explained that she just wants help with the wedding plans. Her body visibly relaxed as we walked inside. As we got inside I could read Carlisle's thoughts and realized we weren't quite done for the day.

Laurent and possibly Irina too might be helping Victoria. Thatwas not great news but with Bella sitting next to me, I couldn't help but feel reassured. I drew her close to me and told her it would be fine and for the first time I felt it too. It was easy to feel that way when I could feel her, smell her and touch her. I leaned forward to kiss her forehead as Alice's vision entered my mind.

I heard Bella's voice laced with panic as soon as she noticed Alice was getting one of her visions. "Alice, what is it? What did you see?"

In her mind I had seen pictures of Charlie finding Bella's truck at the airport and of FBI agents checking out our house in Forks.

Like we didn't have enough to deal with right now. Bella was not going to be excited about having to deal with her parents right now but we didn't have much of a choice and so I nodded to Alice to tell her. Bella's new perceptive senses didn't miss that and I was sure that I would hear about it later.

Alice spoke up then, "Bella, You need to call Charlie and tell him that you are okay and that you and Edward eloped."

She closed her eyes again and came back a minute later.

"Yes, I can see that will work but just so you know he is going to be really angry. If you don't call now we are going to have a lot of people looking for our family and asking a lot of questions.That's not really something we like. "

Rosalie stomped out of the room and I heard her mumble as she left "Stupid girl!"

Bella voiced my frustration, "Well that's exactly what we needed! I'll call Charlie and Renee right now. I'm sorry."

Alice nodded her head, "Don't worry. I've seen it once you tell him you are with us and that you are married to Edward he will be furious and Renee will be too but there is nothing they can do about it legally. You are 18 and can make your own decisions. It will be fine … well at least the FBI and police part anyway. I know it's not going to be fine to basically say goodbye to your parents, especially the day before your wedding."

Esme stepped up and handed us both new cell phones and in her mind told me never to smash my only link with my family ever again. She could be pretty fierce when it came to protecting one of us but outwardly she was hugging Bella and telling her she wanted to help her plan for tomorrow. Esme's thoughts finally calmed as she started thinking about the floral arrangements she was making for the wedding.

Bella opened her phone and started to dial the familiar numbers as the rest of my family scattered to give her privacy.

**Alright that's it no complaining 7 pages and I resolved Alice's vision. I will write again soon I promise and only one more chapter till the wedding.**


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